Stooped over my laptop, making a presentation, covered in my duvet because its FUCKING FREEZING!
Ok, to be honest, I’ve stopped doing the presentation, and I’m sitting as erect as possible without a back rest. But I am pretty cold. This ‘we’ll man up and not buy oil’ thing is getting old.
I’m gonna invade Norway. No one’s thought of that. Screw your Iraqs and the Saudis, Norway’s the 4th largest exporter of oil in the world. I’m gonna get me a piece of that hot, hot, oil spurting action.
Also, voted the most peaceful country in the world. Not anymore, Norway: I’m gonna fuck. Your. Shit. Up.
What you gonna do about it? Memorize me with your coastline? I’ve seen the Cliffs of Moher on a wet day, I think I can handle your jagged peninsulas and fjords. Distract me with picturesque Christmas holiday snaps? I watch TV, and getting a bit sick of those Budweiser ads to be honest.
Hitler took you down pretty easy that time. Where were Thor and Odin then eh? Too busy have sexy oil baths in the North sea no doubt, fucking about with ravens and hammers.
Baths in my oil. My oil.
So then, Oslo, consider this my declaration of war. Your oil is mine. Mano-ah-mano. You got your longboats, I’ve got plans in motion to steal the Jeanie Johnston.
I shall see you, young sirs, on the open seas.